Ok. Back to this twitter chick. I will call her Suave.

All of a sudden, I don’t get any texts or calls or video chat invites. I’m still trying to figure out if I should be offend or happy. I must admit I am alittle happy that I don’t have to have this unwanted friendship.

Wherever she is I hope she is focused on here family and her real friends and not trying to force one on me


I am all in favor of making new friends. You know how the song goes. “Make new friends, but keep the old one, one is silver and the other’s gold.” With that being said making friends from social media can be scary.

Let’s use my newly formed experienced as an example. I am on twitter. I don’t have many friends on Twitter. I do re-tweet, tweet, and reply to other tweets, but nothing obsessive or addicting.

One day I met a woman through twitter. At first we started direct messaging each other and then , with the notion that we had a lot in common, we exchanged numbers. I don’t remember our first text or phone conversation but I remember feeling like I had found another friend. Then something happened. We had a disagreement over something. Nothing too serious. In fact, it was not serious at all. She started acting possessive which made me uncomfortable. The next day I did not text or call her (She is usually the first one to make the contact). Then the next day I did communicate with her. She asked if I was mad at the comments she made. I said I was not ( even though I did feel uncomfortable). She then asked for a picture of me and I asked for the same thing. That was not a problem. She complimented me on my looks and I returned the favor.

Recently she asked to have a picture of my computer. I was reacting in shock and what the fuckness.

Long story short, I find this new friend from twitter to be annoying, condescending, pretentious. All of the  things I do not like in people. (As we talked more I noticed how she would criticize everything about my and the way I explained the way I do things.) I tried to be friendly and take an interest in her life (because she seemed so troubled through us talking). I do not think I can take this relationship anymore.


…An Asian-American college student was reported to have jumped to her death from her dormitory window. Her body was found two days later under a deep cover of snow. Her suicide note contained an apology to her parents for having received less than a perfect four point grade average…

How many notes written…
ink smeared like birdprints in snow

Not good enough / not pretty enough / not smart enough

dear mother and father.
I apologize
for disappointing you
I’ve worked very hard,

not good enough

harder, perhaps to please you.
If only I were a son, shoulders broad
as the sunset threading through pine,
I would see the light in my mother’s
eyes, or the golden pride reflected
in my father’s dream
of my wide, male hands worthy of work
and comfort.
I would swagger through life
muscled and bold and assured,
drawing praises to me
like currents in the bed of wind, virile
with confidence.

not good enough / not strong enough / not good enough

I apologize
Tasks do not come easily.
Each failure, a glacier.
Each disapproval, a bootprint
Each disappointment,
ice above my river
So I have worked hard.

Not good enough

My sacrifice I will drop
bone by bone, perched
on the ledge of my womanhood,
fragile as wings.

Not strong enough

It is snowing steadily
surely not good weather
for flying – this sparrow
sillied and dizzied by the wind
on the edge.

Not smart enough

I make this ledge my altar
to offer penance.
This air will not hold me,
the snow burdens my crippled wings,
my tears drop like bitter cloth
softly into the gutter below.

not good enough / not strong enough / not smart enough

Choices thin as shaved
ice. Noted shredded
drift like snow.

on my broken body,
over me like whispers
of sorries
Perhaps when they find me
they will bury
my bird bones beneath
a sturdy pine
and scatter my feathers like
unspoken song
over this white and cold and silent
breast of earth.

Happy Sunday!!

I had a good Sunday today. Hope yours was good as well.
Since its Sunday, of course my blog is going to be about church. More specifically it’s going to be about a church I went to today.

The pastor is considerably young. The church is mostly for college students who are away from there home churches. This church gives them somewhere to praise and worship.
The first time I went I was really into the service. His message was really inspiring. But since then, I have not felt any “holy ghost” feeling.
Today at church the the pastor “called people to the altar” or alter call. Since I was upfront, I had a close look at the way he prays over people and how others pray over the people at the alter. I noticed people who were getting prayed over were shaking, gyrating, crying and falling out on the floor. That is the part of worship service I did not get.

Clearly in order to react to prayers you have to be emotionally connected in some way. You also have to have some type of belief and faith in God and the message that’s being preached and prayed about.
That is what I do not have, that belief or emotion. I just sit there watching other people shouting and amening.I have questioned whether or not If I truly believe in God. Sometimes I think about converting to another religion or at least try to go to different religious practices. (Which I have done before.) When the church is at the end of service, and alter call is held, I am lost on what it feels like to truly believe.

Anytime someone is doing good in life I like to give them their props. Whether or not I like them, I think it is important to always praise people for what you admire about them. The person that I admire is Miss Jia. She is an entertainment blogger, weight loss challenger, merchandise selling, witty woman.
Through her comments on twitter and her personal blog, she talks about her past experiences, which helps with her readers’ and supporters’ present lives. She,as we all are, is building her life to what her vision is. Miss Jia lifted herself out from her past wrongs and forgave those who wronged her and in some ways forgave herself.
I love that she shares so much with her following through her YouTube, twitter, personal blog, and other venues which she expresses her life and love.
To Miss Jia, I love the parts of your life you have shared. I like your will to never give up on yourself, and I love ingenuity. Keep doing the wonderful things you are doing. I love to see you grow.

Website:  http://missjia.com/
Twitter:  https://twitter.com/MissJia
Personal Blog:   http://shesofly.com/
Weight Loss Challenge:  http://deactivatedfatgirl.com/

Looking for old teachers has never been an easy task. However, after the invention of the Internet and social networking site, such as, Facebook, Twitter, MySpace (even those people search websites), you would think the search would become easier. Well, think again.

I can not find my third grade teacher, whose name I am not going to use. As stated, I am looking for my third grade teacher. Why? To be honest, I do not know. Maybe its for guidance, or to have a look in the past, or maybe I want help with my future and decisions, or maybe I just want to see how he looks. No matter the reason, I really want to find him.

He was one of my favorite teachers. He was one of the first male teachers I had. He was the epitome of being tall, dark, and a good teacher. I remembered he had played basketball at a local university. I think he was injured, which is why he ended up teaching a bunch of third graders. He was always sweet and nice (I remember him giving me his last piece of gum once). I know at the time was only 7 or 8 but, he seemed smart and considerate.

When he smiled he flashed a gap that was placed between his two front teeth. Another characteristic I remember about him is his necklace. It was a small gold necklace. The braided  chain and charm were both gold also. The charm was either a gold basketball hoop with a ball going in it, with his number on it or a jersey with his number on it. The number on his charm was 23 or 24 (I’m pretty sure it was 23).

While doing my Internet search for him, I know, for sure his first and last name. The problem is his middle name. (  It maybe “A”). Maybe he will find me.

I am hoping he surfs the Internet, reading anonymous blog posts about random people and their random lives. Maybe, just maybe, he will come across this or at least someone he knows.

Without giving away too much information.
His Initials:  J. (A.?)J.
Grade Taught: 3rd Grade
Region/State: North-West Louisiana
Initials of school: A.J.B.

He might have taught at that school between the years of 1997 – 2004

Dear Mr. J., I hope this blog finds you!