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About 6 months ago, I decided to go get myself a little gift. I wanted something that would allow me to celebrate my sexuality and womanhood. I wanted a sex toy. I knew that I could easily order this adult toy online with no problems or embarrassment. However, I do live with my parents and they have a tendency to open the mail that is addressed to me.  With that in mind, I started researching different sex toy shops around my area. I came up with one that was about 30 minutes away from where I live. That was not bad at all. I left my house that morning with the intention of returning with a new friend. That’s exactly what happened but not without shock and awe.

I would not describe myself as a prude or someone who gets shocked very easily.  But, when I walked into the Adult Toy Store I became speechless and started running after my breath.  My eyes could not believe what was in front of them. My heart started skipping beats as if I were about to have a heart attack. Looked to my left, I saw lubricant. Not too bad; I have seen that before. Looked to my right and I saw porn DVD’s. Go a little deeper into the store; there were humongous fake penises or dildos everywhere! I saw whips and chains, butt plugs (whatever those are), and small bullet vibrators, big hummingbird vibrators, and handcuffs, and just a lot of freaky things that I did not even know existed.  Walking into the store all I wanted was a small clit vibrator however, after seeing all of that I see that I may be behind in times and freakocity. I will admit there were some products that I wanted to buy and try out. I did not because I didn’t want to lose my virginity to a Hummingbird vibrator.

Walking through the story and surveying their inventory, I felt so awkward. I kept wondering if I was going to run into someone that I knew. What would the conversation been like? Would I even acknowledge their presence? My anxiety was getting to me. All of a sudden I started to come up with a narrative about why I am in the Adult Toy Store. The story I kept telling myself was that I was in this particular store looking for a gag gift for my friend’s wedding shower or bachelorette party (Hadn’t made up my mind yet). That was the story and I was sticking to it.

I felt it was time for me to go. So I grabbed the 3-speed green clit “massager” and a pair of green handcuffs and went to check – out of this freak island. The cashier added up all the materials which included: 1 small 3-speed green vibrator, 1 pair of green handcuffs, and a small bottle of lubricant.

My experience in the Adult Toy Store, for the first time, was an interesting one. I was embarrassed, scared, and anxious.  However I enjoyed my experience as a whole.  I left there feeling liberated about my new found womanhood. I trust me I celebrated that liberation.